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Dog Day Diaries – Week 3

Dexter the Dog

Dog Day Diaries: Diary of Dexter the Dog – Week 3

Welcome back. This week has been busy. With too many cars passing through our street I had a lot of chasing to do. Then Jenna, the human who lives in house across the street delivered a human pup. Yeah you heard it right just one human pup. This is a weird thing with human females. They deliver only one pup at a time. Strange thing to have a litter of just one pup, no backup plan? Humans are not very smart. Well it’s a male pup and I heard they are planning to name him Jake. I think Baby, their cat, is not very excited about this development. Yeah sure, now they would be paying more attention to their pup and not to Baby. Dexter the cat is hoping that Baby will be spending more time in our garden now. But I guess she is more inclined towards that rowdy homeless cat Romeo. I don’t know why but good house cats always fall for the rogue homeless cats like Romeo. I think they secretly aspire the wild and adventurous lifestyle of homeless cats while enjoying the comfort of tuna and bacon in their homes. That’s why nice cats like Dexter the cat have no hope at all. Well Dexter the cat would never have any hope. He is the dumbest cat in this world.

And Jeremy is the dumbest human. Yes the shortest human who lives in our house. He is the pup of Joe and Jill. Now I have already told you how he keeps losing his ball again and again and I have to get it back for him. Let me tell you another short story about what happened yesterday. Joe, Jill and Jeremy were having dinner. I smelled meat so I walked in. Now I think Jill was getting up to set a plate for me. I usually don’t have dinner with them; I have a special place where I can eat alone without being disturbed. And I had already had mine, but a slice of meat would do no harm to a healthy dog’s disposition. So I went in. And Jeremy dropped a bone on the floor near me. Well I gobbled it up (to keep the floors clean, off course). And then he dropped again. This human cannot eat without dropping things to the floor and I have to eat it to save Jill some cleaning work. Even Jill scolded Jeremy for doing it. But he again dropped a piece to the floor and giggled. Some moron. I had gone in for a small slice of meat and came back with my stomach about to explode.

Now these humans expect me to do a lot. They expect me to eat to keep their floors clean and then I also have to catch pigeons in the garden. Now Stanley the duck tried to convince me that chasing pigeons and eating them is a bad thing. I guess he feels for them as they are birds, like him. Maybe not really like him, they can fly higher. I wonder how Baby the cat hasn’t eaten him by now. But I told him, this is my work and I have to do it. I even told him, I would have hunted him if he was a pigeon. I think that scared him. I can be pretty scary when I growl. Only Dexter the cat is not afraid of my growl. Because he is too dumb for his own good.

Now Dexter the cat reads some news in the newspaper he doesn’t chew and comes and bothers us all. Day before yesterday he came up with an idea that he has freedom to meow, some fourth filament or something. And we were just plain confused. I mean dude what do you mean right to meow? You meow, I bark, Stanley quacks, who needs a right for that? So he began telling that humans actually have a right to talk. I mean I don’t understand. I don’t need someone’s permission to bark. So Dexter the cat began telling that he read a story that some humans attacked other humans, someone called Charlie Hebdo, because they didn’t like what the Charlie said. Big deal. I don’t ever like what Dexter the Cat says, or for that matter what Mrs. Kumar says. I haven’t attacked either of them. Should I? And they say humans are smartest species on this earth?

Well I would attack any other dog for few simple reasons;
(a) That dog attacked or is imminent danger to me or those I care about
(b) That dog is competing with me for territory or a female in season
(c) That dog is eating my food

But I hear humans attack other humans without reason. I mean like drawing funny stuff or something. Really? In that case In should bite Jeremy in the ass. He draws my pictures in such funny way. He doesn’t even spare Joe and Jill. He draws them like stick figures. I wonder why they haven’t clubbed him to death yet. Well humans are difficult to understand. I am happy being a dog. Dexter the Dog.